The Ventriloquist

dak

A ventriloquist visiting Wicklow, walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Wicklowman "Can I talk to your dog?"

Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid git."
Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Villager: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)

Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Villager: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool"

Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)

Horse: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."

Villager: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Villager: (in a panic) "The sheep's a liar!"

Mahatma coat

:d:d:d:d:d:D:D:D:D:D

:D

eh lads whats goin on wit the thingy

:D

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answers that one then eh

RxQueen

hahahha good one!!!:D:D:D

heres another:::

The Ventriloquist
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs, and one night he's doing
show in a small town in Arkansas.
With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb
blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 1st row stands on her chair and
starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes
you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you
who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community
andfrom reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your
kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but
women in general...and all in the name of humor."
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, saying "I really am sorry if I offended you, Ma'am --"
When the blonde interrupts him and yells, "You stay out of this, mister,
I'm talking to that little **** on your knee."

drunk_monk

ha ha both brilliant

fabsoul

yep very good,

JohnnyStones

but when i heard it first is was a mind reader.

Furious-Red

Both brilliant :):):):):):):):):):)